Monday, September 10, 2012

alone time

A healthy thing to do in any relationship is take some time to be alone.

J and I each find ourselves alone in the apartment for a few days at least once or twice a year. The other one will be off visiting family, attending a conference, having time with the girls/boys.

And during these times, we miss each other so much. From day to day, we like to spend 24/7 with each other. We are that kind of couple. But we also know that sometimes, it's nice to sleep sprawled out across the bed and wake up in the morning to your own peaceful silence.

It's important to find this time for yourself when you're in a relationship. It's important to find alone time, and couple time, when kids enter the scene. And if you're single, it's important to remember how precious alone time is, and what a wonderful companion you are for yourself.

You've got to get to know your own mess.


This weekend I got my alone time...my beautiful alone time with myself as my best companion. On the schedule...

A Sondre Lerche concert with one of my faves + two besties.
Homemade pizza and a chick flick (terrible).
A thorough apartment cleaning that lasted through the whole weekend.
Lots of kitty snuggling.
A potluck with friends and professors (and a wildly popular vegan casserole).
Grey's Anatomy...lots of Grey's Anatomy. (Season 8 is now on Netflix!)

J got his time without me while I was in Minnesota, and when I got back, we talked about how much we missed each other, but also why we valued that time alone. And we both had the same answer. It's nice to just think about yourself.

While it's important and totally do-able to maintain your independence and identity in a relationship, there is no denying that success lies at least partially in consideration and compromise. So day in and day out, many of our decisions and thoughts revolve around the presence of that other person in our lives.

When I was gone, J played video games without me hovering around demanding quality time together. He went out with his friends without thinking about whether he'd wake me at night.

And without J around, I turned off the a/c at night and slept in the whole bed. I didn't wash my hair when it kind of needed it. I watched all the Grey's Anatomy I wanted without once wondering whether J might prefer to have the Yankees on.

And tonight, when I get back from class, J will be there. His luggage will be strewn all over the bedroom, and I will be annoyed that the pile of dishes in the sink will be double what I left this morning. We will spend hours re-hashing our time apart in too much detail. He'll burp. I'll whine.

Then he'll make me laugh more than I've laughed in days. And I'll make him smile that wonderful smile reserved just for me. We'll hug. For a moment it will feel like the very first time we touched. And we will never want to let go.

12 comments:

  1. Aaron and I are that couple too! But we certianly appreciate our alone time, I had the ENTIRE day to myself today so I spent quality time designing a new blog layout, lit some pumpkin candles, and blared Taylor Swift. It was perfect! I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend.

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  2. it's so nice to have a chance to do whatever you want and not have to worry about someone else's happiness for a minute- i have never seen that sjp film! i will have to watch it!

    xo
    sami

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    1. I was disappointed, but it was super fun to see her and Helen Hunt as little ladies!

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  3. sweet post - and that enchilada recipe looks amazing! xox

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    1. It was the only dish that had been entirely eaten before we left!

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  4. i just had the same exact weekend because brian was at a bachelor party. i miss him so, but i love my alone time. so necessary.

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  5. You are so right about that - I didn't realize how important alone time was. Truly keeps your sanity and also reminds you that you are your own person and can still be your own person

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  6. Sometimes I wonder how someone so young has become so wise.

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  7. It's genetic, tonykulla....

    Clair, what a lovely post, it resonates to everyone because it's so true, AND recognizing these things about ourselves keeps relationships healthy and strong.

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  8. Love this - I totally agree. This past week L worked nights and it was great coming home whatever time I wanted from work, also slept in the whole bed without the fan keeping me up, and just loved being alone. People always try to give me advice because someday I'll want space and it's nice to tell them that I already know how to value that time.

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  9. I love alone time. Zan works a lot of nights and weekend sometimes, too, so I'm used to it. I'd love to see him all the time, and often wish he didn't work so much, but it also doesn't bother me too much when he's not here, because I really am such an independent person-- and thankful I am, too!

    Glad you had a good weekend!

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  10. I love my alone time! Dave is so amazing he doesn't care about watching girlie tv shows or movies but I just like to do whatever I want without worrying if he is feeling left out, and when he comes home I all his :)

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Thanks for making me smile. =)