When I was last home, my mom gave me a letter she found from my grandpa to me. He used to write me stories and send them across the country via snail mail. I'm afraid the papers won't be legible in another few years, so I thought I would write the story here (exactly as it was originally written) to preserve it and share my grandpa's humor with you.
The pages are fading, but his memory does not. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Here is another story about a duck. This duck was named by his mother. This is not unusual because most mothers name their children. This duck mother named the first born son, Herman.
This too, is not unusual because most duck mothers name their first born duck sons, Herman. So- - - - there are a lot of duck sons named Herman flying all over the place.
This duck son named Herman was a wood duck. No, he was not made of wood. Yes, some hunters make ducks out of wood but Herman was not one of them.
Herman was hatched from an egg that was laid by his mother in a woodduck nest. Woodducks lay eggs in a woodduck nest so they can hatch into woodducks like all the other wood ducks that are hatched from eggs.
When Herman broke the shell of his egg, he found a ladder in the nest. The ladder is used for escaping the nest. Herman climbed the ladder and found a whole new world waiting for him. He looked at his friend, Aldis and said, Aldis why don't you become a writer and write all about these new things we see". Aldis looked back at Herman and said, Gee whiz Herman, why can't you wait until I get a little older. I'm nothing more than a spring duck now. First I have to graduate from Whatsamatta U.
He looked down and his heart jumped into his throat. There below him was a lake full of water. Herman said to himself, "Self, what am I going to do with all this water around me. I don't even have a canoe to paddle to shore in". Aldis had to agree that it was a long swim to shore.
Herman looked at the water and the water looked back at Herman and said, "Whatsa matter wimp. Don't you know that all ducks know how to swim even if they don't take swimming lessons. Gee, what a wimpy duck.
Well, Herman decided that he didn't want to be called wimp because his mother name him Herman. So Herman jumped into the water and started to paddle his little orange legs and lo and behold he found out he could swim.
As he was doing the duckstroke, he saw the shoreline as the waves in the lake washed upon the shore. He thought about how far he was from shore and wondered if he could swim that far.
Suddenly he saw it. A shadow was lurking in the trees along the bank of the lake. He saw the long pointed nose and the toothy grin of Freddie the fox. Freddie was famished. He had a very long hard day of looking for something to eat. He was getting a little tired of eating earthworms and meatballs every time he got hungry.
When Freddie saw Herman paddling for the shore his mouth began to water he began to plan his menu. "Aha, woodduck under glass or should I have duck alamode with some vanilla icecream with a cayenne pepper on top. MMMMMM, yummy", thought Freddie. I will wait here until the little wimp can walk to shore and then I'll nail him". Freddie wasn't ready for what was about to happen. For high in the sky Herman's mom and dad were watching their young son as he struggled for shore.
All at once they spotted the villain and climbed about ten feet up from where they were flying. Then down they plummeted. Their bills were ready as they manuerved to tag Freddie and then ZAPPWHAM. Both ducks hit Freddie where his tail was and he rolled down a rocky embankment never to bother another woodduck again. They hit Freddie with a double duckbilled whammy. This is the worst kind of whammy that any duck can think of.
Now mom woodduck and dad wood duck and Herman lived happily ever after. Aldis decided to attend Watsamatta U. and became a writer. He wrote a bestseller titled, Wimpy New World.